Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Please Remember Me ~

    Well recently I lost a dear loved one and I am still trying to make it through the loss. Wish I would have started this Blog before the loss but pigs don't fly and I know allot of us are still waiting around for that to happen right? So I have decided I wanted to share with you my remembrance to my Grandpa Shag. OK First off his real name is Herman . He picked up the name Shag when he was little. I have hear many tales of why he has this nickname but the two I have narrowed it down to is because the baseball team always made him shag after the balls or because he shagged alot of girls. Well here we go girls and boys. Here is my remembrance.

A while ago I felt as if there was no point in death, I could not understand why people we love so much have to be taken from us, and to see these wonderful people have to suffer from things like cancer , I will never understand . I remember when papaw first found out he had cancer me and mom walked into his hospital room and we asked him what the doctor had said , he told us what we needed to hear instead of what we didn’t want to hear. I seen how scared he was in his eyes, and how much he did not want this to happen to him, I have never seen the want to live in someone’s eyes so much. It was heart wrenching. I wasn’t around a lot the past few months and I believe it is because I was fighting with that issue. I see how he longed for life and how scared he was to have to let go.

My papaw was always a quiet man to me it seemed. I loved walking in to the kitchen and him sitting at the table. We would exchange a few words and then sit in silence, but I know even in our silence that was how we bonded we knew what both was thinking and enjoyed just sitting in the quiet. I hated the fact that someone like him had to go the way he did. He was the greatest man I have ever known.

I found out more recently how great he is and just how beautiful in such a horrible way to have to leave, death can be. See I know now what I was learning from him in our silent conversations. It is no secret to all of you that he was the best fisherman ever and we all know to catch the best fish you have to sit, be quiet, and wait for them to come to you. See papaw did teach me how to fish but in our family it was always the boy’s tradition.

So papaw what he really taught me was how to fish for answers. I learned how to listen and watch things unfold and see life and death for the beauty it can behold. I watched a Man and a women fall in love all over again as if I was there when they first met, I seen firsthand what it is to hold a love so close to your heart that no matter the situation you will stop everything to uphold your vow to them. I have seen the most epic love story unfold right in front of me. I have learned from my grandfather and grandmother from these past few weeks to always be faithful. I had never really paid attention to how much my Grandpa and Grandma loved each other until now. I always knew they did but seeing them together and watching her willingness to help him was extraordinarily beautiful. To watch two people so in love after 49 years of marriage even after all they have been through was truly a blessing.

Papaw as I stand here today, I understand that forgiveness is the foundation in any relationship even though I battle myself for forgiveness for the time I didn’t have. I ask for your forgiveness for the time I wasn’t there, however I truly respect the time we shared. . Although you may not have spent allot of time with my girls, I truly know you impacted their lives with the goodness in your heart.

Papaw in closing I say this to you I thank you for the two daughters who taught me how to be a mother; I thank you for the son who taught me how to care. I thank you for the love that you and grandma shared.

I say this to the daughters the goodness that has been bestowed upon you by your father has been past upon me with grace and dignity. To the son the legacy is not over it continues within you. You are the guiding light you can take us to him at any time. Stevie my girls are willing to learn whenever you are ready to teach. Take us to the fishing hole. Show them who their papaw was and help us keep his memory alive.


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